he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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