How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
