im drinking this country out of the recession.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
