Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
