i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
