do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
