I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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