we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize