A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The struggles of a small town man whore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
