Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Randomize
