just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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