Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize