people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
