I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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