I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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