Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He felt like a one man threesome
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
