My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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