OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
