so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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