When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
