there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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