Me too!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
