Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
