ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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