So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
