i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
