Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
