hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
