He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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