dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
