I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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