feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
