I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
