I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
