highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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