Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
