I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
