her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
