I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
