Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
