There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
