Pants 0. Shit 1.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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