I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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