And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
