i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
