Too much gin, very little bucket
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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