I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
