I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
