He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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