I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My bed smells like the plague
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
