I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
