my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize