Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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