Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
