We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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