I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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