from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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