i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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