I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
