i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
