I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
