forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
