Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
