she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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