I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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