you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize