I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
