You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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