i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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