The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
