My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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