U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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