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it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
