Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
