How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
